Parenting Stress Is at a Boiling Point—But You’re Not the Problem

Parenting today can feel like trying to juggle in a hurricane—school schedules, work emails, health worries, social pressures, and the invisible mental load that never seems to turn off. If you feel like you’re constantly “on,” you’re far from alone. In a survey of over 3,000 adults, nearly half of parents reported that most days their stress feels completely overwhelming.

Psychologist and mom Juli Fraga, who recently shared her insights with CNBC, puts it this way: stress isn’t a siren call to “suck it up” or a challenge to become a perfect parent. It’s a signal that something in your life—and your body—needs attention and care. The good news: research-backed shifts in how you respond to stress can make a meaningful difference for you and your kids.

In this article, we’ll walk through five key things less-stressed parents do differently, based on Fraga’s clinical experience and the latest psychological science. You won’t find perfectionism or toxic positivity here—just practical steps you can adapt to your real life, even if your bandwidth feels low.

Mother sitting on couch with child, both appearing thoughtful but calm
Parenting stress is common and understandable—learning to respond to it differently can ease the load for the entire family. (Image: CNBC / Getty Images)

Why Parenting Feels So Overwhelming Right Now

Many parents assume that if they were more organized, more patient, or “better,” they’d feel calmer. But much of today’s parental stress is driven by forces bigger than you:

  • Economic pressure: Rising costs of childcare, housing, and health care can keep parents in constant “survival mode.”
  • Mental load: Invisible tasks—tracking appointments, monitoring moods, remembering school forms—can be as exhausting as physical work.
  • Post-pandemic ripple effects: Disrupted routines and lingering uncertainty have amplified anxiety for both kids and parents.
  • Social comparison: Curated images of “perfect” families on social media can make realistic parenting feel like failure.
“Stress isn't a siren call to ‘suck it up,’ or an invitation to embrace perfectionism. It’s a cue to pause, notice what’s happening inside, and respond with care.”
— Juli Fraga, Psy.D., psychologist and mom

From a psychological standpoint, chronic stress keeps your nervous system in a “fight, flight, or freeze” pattern. Over time, that can lead to irritability, sleep problems, emotional numbness, or feeling detached from your kids—symptoms that are signs of overload, not of being a “bad parent.”


1. They Treat Stress as Information, Not a Moral Failing

Less-stressed parents don’t expect themselves to be calm all the time. Instead, they see stress as a message: Something needs attention—my body, my boundaries, or my support system. This mindset shift is grounded in cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), which shows that how we interpret our feelings can either lower or magnify distress.

Juli Fraga emphasizes that when parents respond to stress with harsh self-criticism (“What’s wrong with me?”), they activate even more anxiety and shame. Calmer parents practice a different script: curiosity and compassion.

Practical ways to do this

  1. Use a “check-in” question.
    When you feel your shoulders tighten or your voice rising, mentally ask:
    • “What is my stress trying to tell me right now?”
    • “Am I hungry, exhausted, overstimulated, or under-supported?”
  2. Normalize your feelings.
    Try a phrase like: “Any parent in my situation would feel this way. This makes sense.”
  3. Shift from blame to problem-solving.
    Instead of “I’m terrible at this,” try: “This is hard. What’s one small thing that could help for the next 10 minutes?”
Parent pausing to take a breath with child playing nearby
A brief pause to notice what your body is saying can prevent stress from snowballing into anger or shutdown. (Image: Pexels)

2. They Right-Size Expectations and Let Go of Perfectionism

Many stressed parents carry an invisible rulebook: home-cooked meals every night, zero screen time, immaculate house, emotionally attuned responses 24/7. Research on perfectionism shows that rigid, unrealistic standards are closely linked to burnout, anxiety, and depression—especially in caregivers.

Less-stressed parents aren’t lower in love or commitment; they’re more flexible. They differentiate between what’s essential for their family’s well-being and what’s “nice to have.”

A simple “good enough” parenting reset

  1. Identify your real priorities.
    Ask yourself:
    • “In 10 years, what do I want my kids to remember: spotless floors or feeling loved and safe?”
  2. Pick 1–2 “good enough” standards.
    Examples:
    • “We eat together when we can, even if it’s cereal for dinner.”
    • “The house is ‘functional clean,’ not magazine clean.”
  3. Practice “B- work” on low-stakes tasks.
    Let the birthday goodie bags be store-bought. Skip the hand-crafted Pinterest project when you’re depleted. Notice how your kids still feel loved.
Family eating a simple meal together at the kitchen table
Connection over perfection: simple, imperfect routines can be more protective than elaborate plans you’re too exhausted to enjoy. (Image: Pexels)

3. They Build Small, Realistic Recovery Rituals Into the Day

Chronic stress isn’t just about what happens to you; it’s also about the absence of recovery. Less-stressed parents rarely have hours for self-care, but they prioritize short, repeatable rituals that help their nervous system reset.

Research on stress physiology shows that even 1–5 minutes of intentional regulation—like slow breathing or a brief walk—can lower heart rate, reduce muscle tension, and improve mood.

Micro-practices you can start this week

  • The 4–6 breath (between tasks)
    Inhale through your nose for 4 seconds, exhale for 6 seconds. Repeat 5 times before school pickup, after a tough email, or in the bathroom when things feel intense.
  • One sensory “anchor” (during chaos)
    Silently name 3 things you can see, 2 things you can feel, and 1 thing you can hear. This grounds you in the present moment when you feel pulled in a hundred directions.
  • Daily 10-minute “off-duty” window
    Coordinate with a partner, relative, or friend if possible. For 10 minutes, you’re truly off-duty: no questions, no requests. Use it to stretch, sit in silence, or step outside.
Mother taking a mindful pause by the window while children play in the background
Recovery doesn’t require an hour-long ritual—small, consistent pauses can gradually calm an overactivated nervous system. (Image: Pexels)

4. They Ask for Help Early—Not Only at a Breaking Point

Many parents delay seeking help because they believe they “should” be able to handle everything alone. Yet psychological research is clear: social support is one of the strongest buffers against stress-related health problems.

Less-stressed parents treat support as a basic need, not a luxury. They also diversify how they get that support—emotionally, practically, and professionally.

Forms of support that actually reduce parental stress

  • Practical help: carpool swaps, shared meals, childcare trades, or outsourcing one task when possible (like grocery delivery).
  • Emotional support: one or two friends who get a “this day is impossible” text without judgment.
  • Professional care: therapy, parenting groups, or support programs—especially if you notice persistent anxiety, low mood, or conflict at home.
“When parents get support, it’s not just a win for them—it’s a win for the entire family. Kids benefit from caregivers who are resourced enough to show up with presence rather than pure survival.”
— Clinical perspective adapted from Juli Fraga’s insights
Group of parents sitting in a circle and talking supportively
Whether through friends, family, or a support group, shared stories can ease the isolation that magnifies parental stress. (Image: Pexels)

5. They Repair After Rough Moments Instead of Chasing “Perfect Calm”

Even the most grounded parents lose their temper, speak sharply, or zone out. What separates less-stressed parents isn’t that they never rupture—it’s that they repair. Studies in attachment theory show that children don’t need constant harmony to feel secure; they need caregivers who come back, acknowledge the rupture, and reconnect.

Focusing on repair instead of perfection can dramatically reduce parental shame and stress, because it gives you a clear next step after a hard moment.

A simple repair script

  1. Calm yourself first.
    Take a few breaths in another room, splash water on your face, or squeeze a pillow until your body feels a bit softer.
  2. Name what happened.
    “I yelled earlier when you spilled the juice.”
  3. Take responsibility, not blame.
    “That wasn’t your fault. I’m sorry I scared you. I was feeling really overwhelmed, and I’m working on handling it differently.”
  4. Reassure your child.
    “I love you so much, even when I’m stressed or upset.”
Parent hugging child on the couch after a tough moment
The “after” of a hard moment—repair, reassurance, and reconnection—matters more than never losing your cool. (Image: Pexels)

Common Obstacles—and How to Work With Them, Not Against Them

Even with strong intentions, parents run into real-life barriers. Recognizing them can reduce self-blame and help you choose strategies that fit your context.

Obstacle 1: “I don’t have time for any of this.”

When every minute feels spoken for, adding new practices may seem impossible.

  • Start with 30–60 seconds a day (one slow breath before answering a question, a micro-ritual in the car).
  • Pair new habits with what you already do—like breathing exercises while washing dishes or brushing your teeth.

Obstacle 2: “If I stop pushing, everything will fall apart.”

This fear is common in parents juggling work, caregiving, and financial pressure.

  • Experiment with easing up on one non-essential area (like elaborate meals or over-scheduling activities) and observe the actual impact.
  • Remind yourself: a slightly messier home with a more emotionally available parent is often a better trade-off for kids.

Obstacle 3: “I grew up with a lot of stress—this is just how I am.”

Your history matters, but it doesn’t fully define your future. Trauma and chronic stress can wire you for hypervigilance, but the brain remains plastic across the lifespan.

  • Therapies like trauma-informed CBT, EMDR, or somatic approaches can help re-pattern your stress responses.
  • Even if change feels slow, your efforts to pause, repair, and seek support are powerful forms of “cycle-breaking.”

Moving Toward a Less-Stressed Home—One Small Change at a Time

If you see yourself in these descriptions—depleted, irritable, trying to hold everything together—you’re in very good company. None of the five habits that Juli Fraga highlights require you to become a different person. They ask you to relate to yourself differently: with more curiosity, softer expectations, tiny recovery rituals, earlier asks for help, and steady repair after hard moments.

The payoff isn’t only your own mental health (though that matters deeply). When your stress softens, your children feel it too: in your tone of voice, your patience, your willingness to play or simply sit together. As Fraga notes, calmer caregivers are a win for the entire family.

Your next right step

Instead of trying all five habits at once, choose one to experiment with this week:

  • Ask: “What is my stress telling me?” once a day.
  • Let one task be “good enough” instead of perfect.
  • Add a 1-minute breathing pause before pickup or bedtime.
  • Send one text asking for a small, concrete form of help.
  • Practice one repair conversation after a rough interaction.

Notice what shifts—inside you, and in your family. Change in parenting is rarely dramatic; it’s usually a series of small, compassionate choices that, over time, rewrite the story of how your household handles stress.