Mom Groups, Disney Queens, and a Very Public Group Chat Fallout

Hilary Duff’s husband, musician and producer Matthew Koma, has stepped into the chat — literally — to call Ashley Tisdale French “self-obsessed” and “tone deaf” after the High School Musical alum published a viral essay about her “toxic” mom group. What could have stayed an awkward parenting anecdote has instead turned into a minor pop‑culture event, fusing millennial Disney nostalgia, mom‑group politics, and the increasingly fraught world of celebrity lifestyle content.


Ashley Tisdale and Hilary Duff side by side in a promotional composite
Ashley Tisdale French and Hilary Duff — once Disney Channel royalty, now unexpectedly at the center of a mom‑group discourse storm. (Image: Entertainment Weekly)

What Sparked the Drama: Ashley Tisdale French’s “Toxic Mom Group” Essay

On January 1, Ashley Tisdale French kicked off the new year with a long‑form essay reflecting on her experience with a “toxic” mom group. The piece, framed as a candid confession about motherhood and female friendships, described:

  • A curated, high‑pressure environment of “perfect” moms
  • Feeling judged for her parenting choices and work schedule
  • Social exclusion and subtle one‑upmanship
  • A decision to walk away from the group for her own mental health

The essay fit neatly into a familiar internet genre: the celebrity mom tell‑all that promises relatability while also reinforcing one’s personal brand. It quickly went viral, shared by parenting accounts, lifestyle influencers, and nostalgic High School Musical fans who have essentially grown up alongside Tisdale.


Matthew Koma Enters: “Self‑Obsessed” and “Tone Deaf”

Enter Matthew Koma — Hilary Duff’s husband, frequent Instagram commenter, and someone who has built a side reputation for extremely online, occasionally spicy humor. In the wake of the essay making the rounds, Koma weighed in publicly, implying that Tisdale French’s piece read less like catharsis and more like a misjudged flex.

“When you turn a group chat into content, don’t be surprised when people think you’re a little self‑obsessed and kind of tone deaf.”
— Paraphrased from Matthew Koma’s public reaction

While the exact wording across platforms varies and some of the reaction has been screenshotted and reshared out of its original context, the gist of Koma’s critique is clear: he sees the essay as centering Tisdale French’s feelings at the expense of the real women in her orbit — women who didn’t sign up to become characters in a viral parenting morality tale.


A person scrolling through social media on a smartphone
In the age of screenshot culture, turning personal group dynamics into content almost guarantees a public response.

Why Ashley’s Essay Hit a Nerve: Relatability vs. Privilege

The backlash to Tisdale French’s story isn’t just about mom drama; it’s about how celebrity narratives land in a post‑pandemic, economically anxious, chronically online culture.

On the one hand, her story taps into very real dynamics:

  • Mom groups that gatekeep “good parenting” through subtle shaming
  • Performative wellness and aesthetics (the “perfect” lunches, outfits, schedules)
  • Women feeling like they’re auditioning for acceptance rather than finding support

On the other hand, critics — Koma among them — have argued that the framing lacks self‑awareness. Coming from a wealthy, famous actor with considerable support systems, the language of “toxicity” can read disproportionate when applied to what, for many readers, sound like relatively ordinary social frictions.

“Celebrities are working through very normal human experiences in extremely public ways, and the gap between their lives and their audiences’ realities has never felt wider.”
— Media critic commentary on the mom‑essay genre

That disconnect — between intention and impact, relatability and privilege — is what made the essay such a lightning rod and why Koma’s “tone deaf” comment resonated with a chunk of the internet.


Disney Nostalgia Meets Momfluencer Culture

There’s an added layer here that only makes sense if you remember 2000s cable TV. Hilary Duff and Ashley Tisdale French are both former Disney Channel leads — Duff from Lizzie McGuire, Tisdale from High School Musical and The Suite Life of Zack & Cody. Their fandoms significantly overlap, and for many millennials, they’re baked into the emotional architecture of adolescence.

Now, those same fans are in their 30s, juggling children, careers, and group chats of their own. Watching their childhood idols navigate mom groups on Instagram feels both familiar and slightly uncanny — like the Disney Channel extended universe grew up and discovered Reels.

  • Hilary Duff has cultivated an image as a grounded, self‑aware working mom, with a mix of acting roles and lifestyle content.
  • Ashley Tisdale French has leaned harder into the wellness and lifestyle space, with brand partnerships, interior design, and parenting content.

So when Duff’s husband publicly criticizes Tisdale French, it doesn’t just feel like a random celebrity spat; it lands like a clash between two branches of the same nostalgic tree.


A group of mothers talking together in a bright living room
From real‑life playdates to curated feeds, mom groups have become a key setting for both genuine support and quiet competition.

Strengths and Weaknesses of the “Toxic Mom Group” Narrative

Stripping away the headlines, there are genuine merits — and real problems — in how this whole saga has unfolded.

Where Ashley’s Essay Works

  • Honesty about social anxiety: She articulates how isolating motherhood can be, even when surrounded by people.
  • Calling out perfection theater: The pressure to present as an “ideal mom” online and offline is real, and she doesn’t shy away from naming it.
  • Prompting broader conversation: The essay has clearly resonated with parents who’ve experienced similar micro‑aggressions in their own circles.

Where Critics (Including Koma) Have a Point

  • Consent and privacy: Even if unnamed, real people are being turned into story devices. That’s ethically tricky in an age where online sleuthing is relentless.
  • Framing as “toxic”: Labeling a group “toxic” can flatten nuance, especially when what’s described sounds like a mix of cliquishness and mismatched expectations.
  • Privilege blind spots: Complaints about mom‑group politics ring differently when you have resources many readers can’t fathom.

Close-up of a person typing on a laptop next to a notebook
Turning personal pain points into published essays can be cathartic — but it also commercializes private lives and relationships.

The Bigger Trend: When Celebrity Mom Content Becomes a Brand

This situation doesn’t exist in a vacuum. In the entertainment and media ecosystem, motherhood is now a full‑blown content vertical. Former teen stars age into “momfluencer” territory, and suddenly:

  1. Parenting anecdotes become newsletter fodder and podcast segments.
  2. Domestic life doubles as soft marketing for home goods, wellness products, or kids’ brands.
  3. Vulnerability is both sincere and strategic — a way to deepen audience connection.

Within that framework, Koma’s “self‑obsessed” critique lands less as a cheap jab and more as a commentary on the entire system that incentivizes packaging real relationships into monetizable confessionals.

“Every time a celebrity writes about their friends, family, or mom group, they’re not just sharing — they’re curating. And curation is rarely neutral.”
— Culture writer on celebrity lifestyle branding

Woman recording social media content with a smartphone on a tripod
The line between authentic sharing and strategic self‑branding has never been thinner — especially for celebrity parents.

How Fans Are Responding: Team Ashley, Team Hilary, or Team “Log Off”?

Online reaction has largely broken into a few camps:

  • Team Ashley: Readers who see their own alienating mom‑group experiences in her story and feel grateful someone with a platform said it out loud.
  • Team Hilary/Matthew: Those who agree the essay misjudged the tone and that publicly airing group dynamics, even anonymized, crosses a line.
  • Team “Everyone Needs to Touch Grass”: Users exhausted by Disney‑era fandom drama spilling into 2026, who’d prefer less meta‑content and more actual art from everyone involved.

What’s striking is that much of the discourse isn’t about who’s “right” in a personal sense, but what feels ethically okay to turn into entertainment. In that respect, Koma’s criticism operates as a pressure‑release valve for a larger discomfort with how much of our social lives — celebrity or otherwise — are now content.


People reacting to a post on a laptop with social media icons
Fandom culture now extends into parenting debates, with Disney‑era stars at the center of highly online conversations.

Where This Leaves Ashley Tisdale French, Hilary Duff, and the Rest of Us

Will this blow up into a full‑on feud? Probably not. Both Hilary Duff and Ashley Tisdale French have long histories of playing things relatively diplomatically in public. If anything, the most likely outcome is a quiet pivot: slightly more guarded essays, slightly less specific mom‑group anecdotes, and maybe a touch more media‑training caution about how far to lean into confessional branding.

The more interesting fallout is cultural. This mini‑controversy underlines a question that isn’t going away: when every life stage becomes content — from Disney Channel adolescence to influencer motherhood — how do we decide what belongs to us and what belongs to the people we write about?

For now, Matthew Koma has made his stance clear: some stories, even if true and well‑written, might be better left in the group chat.