Why We Need To Stop Saying You Have To “Earn” Your Holiday Food
“I Have To Earn My Pie First” – Why This Phrase Hurts More Than It Helps
You’ve probably heard it at some point around a holiday table: “I need to earn this dessert,” or “We’ll burn this off tomorrow!” It often sounds lighthearted, but for many people, especially during the holidays, those words land heavily.
The idea that you must earn or burn your food doesn’t just steal joy from celebrations. Over time, it can quietly erode your relationship with eating, movement, and your body.
In this guide, we’ll unpack why this “toxic phrase” is so common, what research tells us about food and exercise, and how you can start shifting toward a kinder, more sustainable mindset—without ignoring health altogether.
The Toxic Holiday Phrase: “Earn It” Or “Burn It”
Comments like “I’ll have to run 5 miles tomorrow after this” or “No stuffing for me, I was bad this week” may sound like harmless small talk, but they reflect a deeper belief:
Food is a moral test, and exercise is your punishment or reward.
This mindset shows up in many ways:
- Planning long workouts solely to “offset” a big meal.
- Skipping breakfast so you can “save up” for holiday dinner.
- Labeling foods as “good” or “bad” and yourself as “good” or “bad” for eating them.
- Feeling guilty or ashamed after enjoying traditional foods.
While it may feel like discipline, research suggests this approach is linked to more binge eating, less satisfaction with food, and a higher risk of disordered eating patterns—not better health.
A Real-Life Example: When “Motivation” Becomes a Mind Trap
A client I’ll call Maria came to me one January overwhelmed. She’d spent the whole holiday season trying to “stay good.” Before Thanksgiving dinner, she did a 90-minute workout she didn’t enjoy, telling herself she’d finally “earned” the meal.
At dinner, she avoided her favorite dishes, stuck to turkey and salad, and watched everyone else relax. By dessert, her resolve cracked. She ended up eating quickly, feeling out of control, and went to bed physically full but emotionally miserable.
The next morning, her first thought was, “I have to burn this off,” and she forced herself through another grueling workout while feeling exhausted. This cycle continued through New Year’s.
When we unpacked it together, Maria realized it wasn’t the pie that made the holidays feel so hard—it was the constant internal pressure to earn every bite.
“Once I stopped trying to burn everything off, I actually ate less chaotically and enjoyed my family more.” – “Maria,” coaching client
What Science Says: You Can’t (And Don’t Need To) Micro-Manage Every Calorie
Our bodies are far more complex than a simple “calories in, calories out” equation. While energy balance matters over the long term, trying to precisely match every cookie with a specific workout is neither realistic nor necessary.
- Exercise isn’t an eraser.
Studies show that people tend to overestimate how many calories they burn during workouts and underestimate what they eat. A single intense workout rarely “cancels out” a meal—and chasing that cancelation feeling often leads to burnout. - Short-term overeating is normal and expected.
Research on energy balance shows that most bodies adjust over days and weeks, not meal by meal. A few richer meals around holidays will not define your health or weight long term. - Restrict–binge cycles are linked to worse outcomes.
Dieting behaviors—like “saving up” calories or skipping meals to compensate—are associated with more overeating later and more distress, not better control.
Health organizations and many dietitians now emphasize consistent, enjoyable movement and balanced eating over time rather than obsessive tracking or punishment workouts.
How “Earn Or Burn” Thinking Damages Your Relationship With Food
Even when the intention is “health,” the language we use around food and exercise matters. Over time, “earning” and “burning” messages can:
- Turn food into a moral issue.
You didn’t “sin” because you ate pie, and you’re not “good” because you skipped dessert. When we moralize food, we attach our worth to what’s on our plate. - Make movement feel like punishment.
If your main reason to move is to erase what you ate, workouts become something to dread instead of a source of energy, strength, and stress relief. - Increase guilt and shame.
Guilt and shame don’t reliably lead to long-term healthy choices. They’re more likely to lead to “All-or-nothing” thinking: “I blew it, so why bother?” - Trigger or worsen disordered eating.
For people vulnerable to eating disorders, comments about burning off food can be especially harmful and may reinforce compulsive exercise or restrictive patterns.
Health isn’t about perfectly controlling every bite. It’s about patterns over time, grounded in respect for your body instead of fear of it.
A Healthier Reframe: Food As Nourishment, Movement As Self-Respect
Letting go of “earn or burn” thinking doesn’t mean ignoring health. It means shifting your focus to choices rooted in care rather than fear or punishment.
Try these mindset shifts:
- From “I need to earn this” → “I’m allowed to enjoy this.”
You are inherently allowed to eat. Your worth is not determined by your last workout. - From “I have to burn it off” → “I choose movement that feels good.”
Movement can support digestion, mood, and energy. It doesn’t need to be a punishment for eating. - From “good vs. bad” foods → “all foods can fit.”
Some foods nourish you physically, some nourish you emotionally, and many do both. Balance matters more than perfection.
Practical Holiday Strategies: Enjoy Food Without The Guilt Spiral
You don’t need an elaborate plan to feel steadier around holiday food. A few small, realistic shifts can make a meaningful difference.
1. Stop “saving up” for big meals
Skipping meals to “make room” almost always backfires. Your body arrives at dinner overly hungry, which can make it harder to eat slowly and stop when you’re comfortable.
Try instead:
- Have a balanced breakfast with protein, fiber, and fat.
- Eat a light, satisfying snack if there’s a long gap before a holiday meal.
- Remind yourself: “Going into this meal nourished helps me feel more in control, not less.”
2. Build a plate that feels both satisfying and supportive
You don’t need to track macros at a family gathering. Instead, aim for a mix:
- Include some protein (turkey, beans, fish, lentils, etc.).
- Add something with fiber (vegetables, whole grains, fruits).
- Make room for the dishes that genuinely matter to you, even if they’re richer.
Ask yourself: “Which foods will I feel sad about missing when the holidays are over?” Prioritize those rather than eating everything just because it’s there.
3. Use gentle internal cues, not rules
Instead of rigid rules (“no seconds,” “no desserts”), experiment with curiosity:
- “How hungry am I right now on a scale from 1–10?”
- “How do I want to feel when this meal is over?”
- “Am I still enjoying the taste, or just finishing my plate out of habit?”
4. Move in ways that support your mood and digestion
Movement can absolutely be part of a healthy holiday—just decouple it from punishment.
Supportive ideas:
- A relaxed family walk after meals.
- Stretching or gentle yoga in the morning.
- Dancing in the living room to holiday music.
The goal: How do I want to feel today? (More energized? Less stiff?) Let that guide your activity instead of “I need to burn X calories.”
What About Family Comments And Social Pressure?
One of the hardest parts of the holidays is that you’re not just managing your own thoughts—you’re navigating everyone else’s, too.
Common comments you might hear
- “Are you really going to eat that?”
- “I was so bad this week.”
- “I’ll have to starve myself tomorrow.”
- “No dessert for me, I’m being good.”
Ways to respond (or not) while protecting your peace
- Change the subject gently.
“Let’s not talk about diets today—tell me about your trip!” - Set a quiet boundary.
“I’m working on having a healthier relationship with food, so I’d rather not talk about earning or burning meals.” - Use a stock phrase and move on.
“I’m just listening to what my body wants today.” Then change the topic. - Opt out of body/food talk entirely.
It’s okay to excuse yourself or redirect the conversation if it’s affecting you.
Simple Phrases To Use Instead Of “Earn” Or “Burn”
Updating our language can slowly shift culture—for ourselves and for the people listening to us, including kids.
Instead of: “I have to earn this.”
Try: “I’m going to enjoy this.”
Instead of: “I’ll burn this off tomorrow.”
Try: “I might go for a walk tomorrow; it helps me feel good after big meals.”
Instead of: “I was so bad.”
Try: “I really enjoyed that, and I’m paying attention to how my body feels now.”
Instead of: “I don’t deserve dessert.”
Try: “If I’m still craving it after a few minutes, I’ll have some and savor it.”
Before & After: Holiday Mindset Shift
Here’s a quick comparison of how holiday eating and movement can feel before and after letting go of “earn or burn” thinking.
| Before | After |
|---|---|
| Skipping meals to “save up” for dinner. | Eating regular meals so you’re comfortably hungry, not starving. |
| Doing punishing workouts to erase food. | Choosing movement that supports energy, mood, and digestion. |
| Feeling guilty for enjoying holiday dishes. | Allowing traditional foods and focusing on satisfaction and connection. |
| Judging yourself as “good” or “bad” based on what you ate. | Seeing food as one part of your life, not a scorecard of your worth. |
Moving Forward: A Kinder Holiday Season For Your Body And Mind
You don’t need to earn your place at the table. You don’t need to burn off your memories. Your body is allowed to experience joy, connection, and yes—pie—without being put on trial afterward.
This holiday season, consider choosing one small shift:
- Let yourself eat regular meals instead of “saving up.”
- Replace one “I need to burn this off” comment with “That was really delicious.”
- Schedule movement you enjoy because it helps you feel good, not because you “have to.”
Change doesn’t happen overnight, and you don’t have to do this perfectly. But each time you challenge the idea that food must be earned, you create a little more space for peace with your body—and for genuine holiday joy.
Your next step: Notice how often “earn or burn” shows up—in your thoughts or in conversations—and gently practice a different, kinder response.
