How to Handle My Late Husband's Half-Siblings Who Want His Ashes
Key Highlights :
Losing a spouse is one of the most difficult experiences a person can go through, especially when it comes to dealing with the deceased's family. For some, this could mean dealing with half-siblings who, for whatever reason, want a portion of the ashes. This can be an incredibly overwhelming and emotionally draining situation, so it's important to know how to handle it.
My late husband had two half-siblings from his mother and seven from his father. I was never close to his family and at his funeral, his half-sister on his mother’s side wore what appeared to be a white wedding dress and had her three daughters dressed like flower girls. She had also threatened me with violence and stalked me at my job. I was able to get a protective order, but it took three filings to get it because her father has friends in the court system.
The rest of his father's side of the family has contacted me only if it benefits them. For almost a year, I took care of my father-in-law, who has dementia, without any of the seven remaining children helping. I have since cut ties with all of them. They are toxic, and I know why my husband kept me away from them.
Now, everyone in his family is demanding a portion of his ashes. I refuse to divide them because he wanted to be buried with me, and I want to abide by his wishes. This has caused tension between me and his family, and they are pressuring me to share the ashes.
It can be difficult to handle this situation, but the most important thing to remember is that you are legally entitled to carry out your husband's wishes. His family may be pressuring you to share the ashes, but if it is not something you want to do, you do not have to.
It is also important to remember that the time for his family to have "been family" was long before his death. His sister may have mental health issues, so it is best to try and not be resentful of her and her daughters' attire at the funeral.
If his relatives are as toxic as you describe, you may need the help of an attorney to enforce your husband's wishes. You should also consider speaking to a therapist or a counselor to help you cope with the situation.
In the end, it is your decision to make. You may feel guilty for not sharing his remains, but it is important to remember that you are carrying out his last wishes. You should not feel guilty for honoring his memory.
